Generally speaking, if anyone asks me to teach them a game, I will abandon all responsibilities and small children under my care to bring the new-comer into the hobby. Well, my newest group started three weeks ago and has completely surprised me. The group consists of myself and three others. Here are each of their […]
Now looky here folks. I’m a Euro gamer through and through. That means I want my tracks long, my board beige, and all dice thrown into a woodchipper and destroyed beyond repair. I want my rondels sliced plentifully, my tabelaus unassailable, and my point salads delicious as f*ck with a variety of options. F*ck your
The original Terraforming Mars is so old it needs to be in bed by 5 and demands to speak to your manager. It predates half-assed decent components. Franz Ferdinand was headlining parades when its first print was released. Its cover is so unappealing Barnes and Noble workers think it’s a science textbook misplaced on the
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Gamers are like dragons – we hoard objects coveted by others and breathe fire on anyone who riffle folds the f*ck*ng item deck. THESE AIN’T POKEMON CARDS YOU TW*T! We also bite players who arrive late and tail-swipe cheaters. F*ck dude, I could talk about dragons all day. BUT THAT’S NOT WHY I SUMMONED YOU
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It is common for board games to be sent through a rigorous process of play-testing to streamline and remove their more complicated aspects. The end product is usually a sublime system that brings joy to millions of gamers. I say usually, cause sometimes the dumb f*ck*ng testers ate expired glue and drooled all over the
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Setting-up Five Tribes is like spending a day as Elon Musk – you throw peasants into piles and gamble on which ones will get you filthy f*ck*ng rich. That’s probably a terrible comparison, but the game board does look like a fully exhumed meeple graveyard with every corpse spread-eagle. So there’s that. In more meaningful terms,