Have you ever stood inside an aviary and thought “I wish these screaming f*cks were just a stack of cards”? Or played Everdell and thought “These dirty rodents need to be caged”? Or do you ever find yourself neck-deep in Terraforming Mars, wanting to weightlessly bound away from your 9 to 5 at the local […]
Wingspan’s Unique Action Economy Engine Read More »
It is wild to think that all of the following were released in the same year – Dune: Imperium, Lost Ruins of Arnak, coronavirus SARS-CoV-2. Two of these stole my heart – the other b*tch stole f*ck*ng flavor. Anyways, what a time it was! A heyday for sandworms, fantasy expeditions, and horse tranquilizers. Most thought
Dune: Imperium’s Combo-free Deck-Building Read More »
Historically speaking, auctioning off animals forced to wear suits, corsets, and cocktail hats bursting with frills to sociopathic railroad barons has, typically, gone poorly. It also, I dunno, sounds illegal? Good thing Raccoon Tycoon don’t give a sh*t about the law or PETA’s opinion cause buying up these adorable critters is the name of the
Raccoon Tycoon’s Secrets to Success Read More »
Do you remember the first time you watched Harry Potter, and thought “These movies could be vastly improved if Professor McGonagall would just f*ck*ng force the d*mn kids into conscription so they could blow the f*ck out of every classroom with fireballs in the name of Dumbledore’s retirement party. F*ck that sh*t would be hot.”
Argent the Consortium’s Worker Placement Battle Read More »
By no means is Architects of the West Kingdom Shem’s heaviest game, though I would argue that dragging mothers and fathers from their ancestral homes and throwing them into sh*t filled dungeons is somewhat weighty. And by ancestral home I mean the quarry those pr*cks were just looting. However, it must be stated that Architects
Architects of the West Kingdom’s Vengeance Engine Read More »
Ben ‘The Funk Lightning’ Franklin once claimed – “In this world, nothing can be said to be certain, except death and that I will totally forget how to play Mage Knight inbetween plays. F*ck that rulebook is dense.” Now, obviously that nerd was long dead before Vlaada published his magnum opus, complete with a rulebook
Mage Knight’s Hunt for the Cities Read More »
Never before has a game looked so much like it would use resource-management, only to have, in fact, zero resources. Spirit Island is three things and three things only – Hand-management, area control, and asymmetrical factions. And that area control is something else. You don’t just spread your own control, you also throw your enemies
Spirit Island’s Fight for Survival Read More »
Oh, Caverna. You odd little duckling, you. I remember the first time I assembled your main board, thinking “Golly gee willickers, that’s a lot of worker locations!” In that playthrough I had mused “Such a variety of ways to win!” And at the end, I exclaimed “Uwe has outdone himself now!” Pffft, WRONG. Three years
Caverna’s Family Planning Read More »
The original Terraforming Mars is so old it needs to be in bed by 5 and demands to speak to your manager. It predates half-assed decent components. Franz Ferdinand was headlining parades when its first print was released. Its cover is so unappealing Barnes and Noble workers think it’s a science textbook misplaced on the
The Terraforming Mars Rollercoaster Read More »
Setting-up Five Tribes is like spending a day as Elon Musk – you throw peasants into piles and gamble on which ones will get you filthy f*ck*ng rich. That’s probably a terrible comparison, but the game board does look like a fully exhumed meeple graveyard with every corpse spread-eagle. So there’s that. In more meaningful terms,